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Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice review

Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice 2016

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

After reading a selection of the reviews, I was expecting the worst.
Batman is my favourite comic book character, one of my favourite fictional characters in any media. The Batman has been portrayed as a pulp detective, a shining beacon of american wholesomeness, a madman, a near-mythical legend, a protector, an avenger, and even a broken man in a wheelchair or grieving for one of his murdered sons. He has been feared, adored, hunted, copied and abandoned. 
The Batman has been featured in comics (first appearing in May 1939 in Detective Comics #27), video games, TV shows, music albums, novels, newspapers, magazines, on cereal boxes, on clothing, posters, adverts, trading cards, and, of course, in film.

The films worry me. I worry about how people will react to my favourite comic book creation - how they will think of him. The films reach a far, far larger audience than the comic books ever could. For most people. the films define Batman. Many people were first introduced to Batman by the 1966 TV shows and film which gave us the camp masked avengers Batman and Robin dancing to groovy tunes, sliding down poles and bashing the bad guys with the huge 'POW!' written sound effects on the screen. This is a far cry from how the Batman was meant to be. One of Batman's creators, Bob Kane, stated: 
"Being an ardent mystery fan I visualised Batman as a mysterious figure of justice symbolised by the hooded bat costume, designed to instil fear into the hearts of the underworld" (1)
Quite different to the 60s Batman. Then along came the 80s and 90s and gave us Michael Keaton. My kids call him 'Tiny Batman' when compared to the Batman of the comics. Wasn't Kim Basinger taller than the hero? Besides the physical difference, the two Tim Burton films did get some things right: the anger was there, sometimes; the loneliness (we see Bruce sitting in the dark, alone in his mansion, as if simply waiting for the bat signal to light) and the modern idea that Bruce Wayne was a mask that the Batman wore rather than the other way around. At the end of the day, however, Burton hits the nail on the head when he states: 
"This is way too big a budget movie to worry about what a fan of a comic book would say." (2)
The two films after this, Batman Forever and Batman and Robin, are films that I have seen once and will never watch again. Director Joel Schumacher, for some reason decided to influence Tim's darker Batman with the silliness of the 60s. George Clooney's nipples and close-ups of Robin's Bat-butt? I'm not sure who could have enjoyed those films.

Then, the Nolan trilogy! I remember thinking, This time, they've almost got it right: the fierceness, the determination, the intensity of a man who is so obsessed, so driven by his own loss, that he beats criminals to a pulp with his fists as a hobby. What they didn't get right was the fact that he relies on armour instead of martial arts, and there was a distinct lack of detective work from a character born in a book called Detective Comics.

So, would I ever be happy with a Batman in the cinema? Denny O'Neil, the editor of the Batman line of comics between 1986 and 2000, doesn't believe it is wise to make a literal translation of a character between media. in an interview I conducted with him in 1996 he said:
"Basically, different media have different tools and different demands. You are never well advised to make a literal translation...likewise, a novelist's tools and not those of a film-maker. Although comics and film have some things in common, they have an equal number of things not in common. Comics are static, comics depend on an odd grammar that combines written words and static images. Film has very many more resources - actors' voices, motion, camera motion, motion within the frame, music, certain cutting techniques, zooms, so on, that are denied the comic book writer. So...the trick is always this: you take the idea, in this case the idea of an obsessed crime-fighter who operates at night and has assumed the persona of a bat. And you don't try and recreate it literally in the other medium, what you try to do is translate the way a...somebody might translate a poem. Take the idea and recreate it in your own idiom using your own tools in the language of your medium." (3)
WB handed the DC Universe over to Zack Snyder when he made Man of Steel in 2013. Before this, he tackled DC's much loved Watchmen series of books. Watchmen is one of my favourite films of all time mainly because, despite what Denny O'Neil believes, it is almost a literal translation of the comic books (yes, apart from the pirate shipwreck sub plot and the fake alien ending - both of which are missing from the film).
Now Zack is back with Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice. The credits state that the writers were Chris Terrio and David S Goyer. Goyer worked with Nolan in all three of the trilogy so he's no stranger to the Batman character. He's also no stranger to the works of Frank Miller judging by how heavily he relied on some of Frank's ideas when working with Nolan.
This latest film, however, should have given a credit to Miller. The film I saw today was based around his greatest achievement: Batman: The Dark Knight Returns published in 1986.
In this 199 page comic book, an old, suicidal, semi-alcoholic, Bruce Wayne comes out of retirement to aid Gotham in the city's darkest hour. So too in this latest film: With the manor in ruins and a Wayne Enterprises building destroyed by Superman (in graphic 9/11 style) Wayne suits up and goes after the Kryptonian. We see Bruce struggling out of bed and checking the booze bottles on his bedside table. Alfred scolds him about leaving an empty wine cellar for future generations of Waynes, and then reminds himself that there probably won't be any future generations. In fact, it's almost word for word from this page in the 1986 book:


Frank Miller - The Dark Knight Returns (DC Comics, 1986)

The bat suit is straight from this book too. Paid critics, who haven't done their research, have described the suit as 'clunky' and, desperate for something to link it to, have compared it to that worn by The Owl in Snyder's Watchmen. In fact, Miller designed the older Batman's suit to draw power from Gotham itself when he was fighting Superman. 


Oh yeah, did I not mention that the whole idea of Batman fighting Superman with sonic cannons, Kryptonite gas and the powered suit comes directly from this book too?
So far, Snyder is doing what he did with Watchmen and being faithful to the source. And I'm loving it! Early in the film, Batman rescues a group of people who end up being terrified of him and calling him a Demon. He moves faster than the police can follow. He attacks with an almost unrestrained ferocity, breaking door, noses and arms and in a whirlwind of violence. Just as it should be! I have a special edition of The Dark Knight Returns and it includes notes and sketches from Miller himself. It makes for fascinating reading:
"Interrogates criminals by scaring the piss out of them, not by roughing them up. If he fights, it's in a way that leaves them too messed up to talk. Violence must be fierce, quick, surgical when it happens. He doesn't threaten, not literally - his presence plays more on guilt and primal fears than on rough stuff. No room for indecision as Bats [Batman] and Wayne doesn't exist. Natural grace, sure - but no ballet. Goes to great lengths to be at the right place at the right time, to inspire mythic image - when violent, very economical. Must damage with least movement. Figure should never appear weightless." (4)
And that's just how Snyder has portrayed the new, older Batman. The mood is serious, dark, fitting for a film about loss and all its many effects on those left behind. 
Eventually, this dark and bloodthirsty Batman defeats Superman and is ready to deal the killer blow. And it's at this point that the film starts to lose its way. Lois Lane explains to Bruce that Superman has a mother called Martha, just as Bruce did. Prior to this, Bruce was convinced that Superman was responsible for deaths of hundreds, maybe thousands and that he was a threat to the entire planet. But because their mothers have the same name, within ten seconds (not an exaggeration!) the two heroes are united as best friends against a common enemy - Lex Luther.
So then we have Doomsday being created by Lex, a nuclear missile, a massive fight that seems to go on forever and then Wonder Woman. I've never read a Wonder Woman book so I can't really comment on how faithful this version is. In the film she is very thin, drives fast, was in WW1 and has a shield. She drops in for the big fight at the end. I don't know why. Maybe she just really likes Gotham?

However, up to the 'Martha is my Mommy' point, I was really enjoying the new Batman film.
We are given three separate teasers during the film in the form of files that Bruce has collected - footage of Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash. All in readiness for the upcoming Justice League films - very exciting! (Where was Green Arrow?)
The movie looks and sounds great. Snyder makes these superheroes look like gods, especially Superman as he descends slowly from the heavens. Snyder sometimes arranges his players so that they appear to be in a painting, particularly at the death of superman.
The music is great, Zimmerman doing his usual hero marches and quiet/loud/quiet dramatics. The guns sound awesome and the explosions make you jump. Even in the Electric with its inferior sound system, the film sounded fresh and modern.

For the first half of the film when they were actually fighting each other - it's got to be a 9.5 out of 10 action film.
For the film as a whole - an 8 I think. Go see it, especially if you know a bit about DC comics!



(1) Coulton Waugh - The Comics (New York: MacMillan 1947) p262
(2) Simon Garfield - "Batman versus Hollywood" in Time Out: July 1989, p54.
(3) Denny O'Neil - from an interview I conducted with him in February 1996.
(4) Frank Miller - Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (DC Comics, 1986, 2002)

Monday, March 28, 2016

How to Lose a Belly When You're 41 (part 13)

Monday
Weight: 10st 3lbs
Blood pressure: 127/69
Resting heart rate: 58
Not bad results although the heart rate is a little high for me. I'm very pleased to see weight dropped last week.
I had a crisis of faith tonight, and when I looked at the weights bar in my man cave I couldn't face the idea of picking it up. I found myself sitting on the couch with my girl watching Sons of Anarchy and sipping red wine!

Tuesday

I cycled to work and back on the road bike.
The karate session was fantastic tonight - it started with a really hard yoga-flavoured warm up session that left my muscles aching and shaking! The rest of the hour was given over to fighting techniques. The emphasis was on spirit and challenging each other. We practised ippons for most of the lesson, progressing from kihon ippons to jiyu ippons. We went as far as light turn-based sparring. I left feeling like I could do with a good fight!
I arrived home to find a huge bowl of chicken and rice waiting for me. Perfect!

Wednesday
Progress evening (the college equivalent of parents' evening.)
I tried to get to Mr Roger's circuit training in time but I spent too long with parents. This week is not turning out well for exercise.
I made matters worse when I got home by sipping beers with my girl and watching TV!

Thursday
Cycling in on the road bike this morning, I felt a bit of resistance in the left knee. I clicked down into the little ring, kept the cadence high, and made my way at a leisurely 16mph (it's a perfectly flat route.) About 10 minutes later, I was cut up by a Porsche at a traffic island on the A34. I snapped the bike back up into the big ring and gave chase. I caught him at a set of traffic lights just as they turned green.
He gave me the finger.
Why do I deserve the finger if he's the one that cut me up? So then I gave him the finger and informed him that he was a wanker. The traffic was moving again but I managed to catch him just after the college. This time, he did that thing drivers do when they stare straight ahead and pretend they can't see you.
He wouldn't get out of the car. Some people are just cowards I guess.
I turned around and headed back to college.
It was a good sweaty workout powered by adrenaline and road rage!

Friday
Does walking count as exercise? Walking with a hip flask of brandy and stopping off for a pint?
Probably not...

Mouse, me, Martha. Outdoors!

Walking in Baddesley Clinton with some of my favourite girls.

Saturday
No exercise, lots of chocolate and booze.
On the plus side, my very generous mother has given me an iPhone so at least I can once again use Strava to track my runs and rides!

Today is the first anniversary of my father's passing.
To honour the occasion, my brother has entered both of us into the Birmingham 10K run on the 1st May. We will be running for charity - The Macular Society. Dad suffered with this condition in the latter years of his life and it was awful to watch him struggle with his worsening vision. My bro and I will be doing our little bit to help other people suffering with macular degeneration.
I'm sure Dad would approve.

This only leaves me with 5 weeks to prepare for the run!
Mom and my brother came to have dinner and my brother and I spent the rest of the day 'preparing' for our 10k by sipping fine ales and watching England beat Germany in the football!

Sunday
A full-English for breakfast! After this, I wobbled out on the road bike with my iPhone to map out a 10k training run in the local area. During the ride, I encountered a chap in a wheelchair on the pavement. He was scuffing himself along very slowly using his feet. He didn't seem to be able to propel himself forward using his hands on the wheels. I asked him if he was okay and if he needed help. He simply said no. Then I asked him if I could call anyone for him. No again. I carried on for about half a mile and then called the police on the 101 number. They said they would see if an officer was available to take a look to make sure he was doing okay. 



The plan is to run this 10k course at least 4 times before the event, hopefully increasing the speed a little each time. I'll still be doing the weight training, martial arts, circuit training and cycling. I'll have to get strict with the booze and junkfood too.
A walk with the dogs was quickly followed by a huge slice of Mom's Easter cake. It tasted awesome!
In the evening, I enjoyed the highlights of today's Twenty20 action with a few ales and a brandy! Hic!

This week has been a total failure as far as training is concerned. However, I now have a new target (the 10K) and a new tool (the iPhone). 

Time for action!


Sunday, March 20, 2016

How to Lose a Belly When You're 41 (part 12)

Monday
Weight: 10st 5lbs.
So, despite the 54 mile bike ride, last week's beer-and-cake-filled weekend took its toll on my belly and I've put another 2lbs back on. 
The ride had obviously sapped me of any remaining energy and I simply couldn't face the idea of a run tonight. Instead, I just ate healthily and resisted a beer. I actually felt hungover. Is it possible to have an exercise hangover? I hope I get some energy back tomorrow!

Tuesday

Back on track!
After cycling to work and back, I took Martha off to karate and we did a varied session including kata, kicks and basic techniques. There was a good vibe in the dojo tonight and it was the busiest I've ever seen it!
No junkfood and no booze.

Wednesday

I cycled in to work today but drove Lucy's car home because I put the road bike in to have its headset replaced (the steering was very stiff and jerky on Sunday which made the bike very difficult to control.)
Mr Roger's circuit training included a fitness test (about 7 different bodyweight exercises - each performed over 1 minute.) I'm looking forward to trying to beat my scores in a month's time! I'll post the results on here.
I tried my best during Mr Roger's circuit training but I couldn't seem to muster up the required energy. Denise, a lady who has lost over 10lbs so far this year, was easily keeping up with me and even beat me on a couple of the exercises. There was a discussion about food tonight and its likely that I'm not eating enough to fuel my workout.
With this in mind, I've decided to list the food I've eaten today and I await your comments!


Breakfast:
Red bush tea with semi-skimmed milk
Two rounds of wholemeal toast with peanut butter.
Small glass of fresh orange juice.
Lunch:
Red bush tea with semi-skimmed milk
One banana
A handful of almonds and Brasil nuts
Dinner:
Breaded scampi with wholewheat pasta, broccoli, green beans, peas, beetroot and roasted tomatoes.

Thursday

Aching legs made the ride into work a little difficult, but I made it.
Back at home, after a Dungeons and Dragons with the young people, I did a hard hour-long lifting session focused on legs (deadlifts and squats.)
No booze, no junkfood.

Friday
Cycled to work and back. I was a good boy today and managed to resist a Friday night beer. No junkfood.
I went to dojo for an ippon kumite session.

Saturday
Up at 6:30am.
I had an orange for first breakfast and then headed out for a 58 minute run without stopping or walking. This is my personal best - I've never managed to run for that long before. I was a bit shaky when I got home but nothing serious. Second breakfast was a mushroom and tomato 3-egg omelette!
After that, I went shopping, made sandwiches for the girls and then it was time for Comic Con at the NEC!
Comic Con has become a family tradition, with the girls and me going to at least one every year. We enjoy the atmosphere of like-minded people coming together to share the passion in their interests - gaming, comics, film, animation, toys, collecting, cosplay etc.
This year, Martha dressed up as her own creation - something she labelled as a psycho killer/Death/Grim Reaper character! She looked very scary.
Mouse and I found a £1 comic stall which made us very excited - I added a few more comics to my Chris Claremont collection and she bought some new Teen Titans from the New 52.
Tilly and her fiend Amy checked out 'hot boys'!
Anyway, here are some photos from the day:


Martha on the left. Vicky and Peter (both from the Thursday night D&D crew) 3rd and 4th.
The Fallout 4 stand. One of the best games I've ever played. Up there with its predecessor (Fallout 3), FF8, Minecraft and Pokemon Soul Silver.
Amy happy with her purchases!
An example of the one of the giant costumes. And Monkey D Luffy!
A huge stall dedicated to Gundam!
Mouse at the entrance.
Additions to my collection



My reward when I got home!
Later that evening, Lucy and I headed up town to see 2 of our favourite bands: The Wedding Present supporting The Wonder Stuff.
If I'm going to be honest, it wasn't The Wedding Present and The Wonder Stuff we went to see, it was Dave Gedge and Miles Hunt. All the other original members of the two bands were missing, replaced by new personnel. Still, the atmosphere was one of a triumphant return and both men were greeted by riotous applause!
Dave Gedge appeared to get younger as his set continued. He started off looking like someone's dad who had mistakenly wandered on stage. By the end, cracking jokes and visibly enjoying himself, Dave seemed a man of 30 again, confident and sure of himself. He played songs from the albums Tommy, Bizarro, Watusi and Take Fountain as well as three new tracks that had the crowd bouncing. I was very glad to witness this set tonight, it had been 24 years since I'd last heard this music live!
The Wonder Stuff were very confident from the word go! Miles was insulting the crowd which I'm told is usual for him! I'd never seen the Stuffies play live before but I know a lot of people who have - including Lucy!
Lucy loved it and reported that they played a great set. I recognised a lot of the songs - especially those from 8 Legged Groove Machine and Hup. 
Afterwards, we met with friends in the Old Fox where I drank far too much Guinness!

Sunday
A real day of rest. Booze, cake and no exercise!


Sunday, March 13, 2016

How to Lose a Belly when You're 41 (part 11)

Monday
Weight: 10st 3lbs
So, the Mad March Hare worked its magic on my belly, and, despite all the beer and puddings yesterday, I've now lost a total of 9lbs so far this year.
My body wasn't up to any proper training today although I did do a good warm up exercise with my sports class.
No junkfood, no booze.

Tuesday
I cycled in to work today, cycled home, did a karate lesson, didn't eat any junkfood, and didn't drink any beer.

Wednesday
Mr Roger's circuit training was full-on tonight! If he'd put some rope work in there, it could well have been the hardest one he's ever done!
At home, Lucy served up sausages eggs and chips. Fantastic! But not training food...
Didn't have any beer though.

Thursday
I cycled to work and back, didn't eat and junkfood, didn't drink booze and did a hard weight lifting session!

Friday
After a boring day of 'teacher training', I went to the dojo. It was a good mix of kata and practising our kicks. Tonight, I missed the days when we would actually hit each other and go home bruised but happy. 
Bloody health and safety.
I had a couple of beers tonight because Friday.

Saturday
Up at 7am to go for a run. I managed to run for 57 minutes without stopping or walking.

Mom's homemade lemon cake. Very, very good!

I went over to see my mother this morning. She treated me to the full English breakfast! After this very pleasant visit (dropping stuff off at the allotment, shopping, a trip to the garden centre, and homemade lemon cake) I raced home to take Lucy to lunch where I found Purity Gold on tap! Very nice!

Sunday
At the cafe (no, we don't know what Dan is doing.)
I met up with Deadly Dan, Rocket Dog, Fast Ant, Ian and ex-pro Nick for a ride down to Worcester and back. Gary was the navigator and he took us on a road route that then incorporated a muddy track, a busy canal, and what seemed to be a racetrack used by families and dog walkers as a park. Unfortunately, my road bike didn't like the muddy track (slick tyres!) and I didn't like the crowds of people on the canal and at the racetrack. I did, however, like the cafe stop with its fantastic carrot cake.

Don't let the banana skin fool you, there was cake on that plate.
The two most suitable bikes for today's ride.

The route back was excellent. We made our way home on mainly quiet lanes where it soon became apparent that I couldn't match the other lads for strength on the flat. They were happy to turn over a big gear and have a chat at 19mph whereas my little legs would be spinning like a desk fan as I was trying to hang on to the back of our 'peleton'. More fitness needed!

My view from the back - I had 54 miles to get used to it!


As the route master, Gary basically did a massive 54 mile turn on the front! The rest of us had the advantage of tucking in behind out of the wind while Gary did the hard work. Well done that man.

54 miles at 13.7 mph (would have been much faster without the off road bits. We were at 14.9 mph after the first hour to Worcester.)

As soon as I got home, I cleaned the bike, and then helped Eric build a huge 4 tier workbench in the back garden. Much sawing, screwing, carrying and burning ensued and I was in the back garden until about 6:30. I was very glad to sit down and crack a beer!
Cheers!





Monday, March 7, 2016

How to Lose a Belly When You're 41 (part 10) MMH2016

Monday
I got out of bed determined to do better than last week.
Mini MOT results:
Weight: 10st 7lbs
Blood Pressure: 124/68
Resting Heart Rate: 45
So I've regained another pound of flab. Not surprising given the amount of cake and booze I consumed over the weekend. What is surprising is my heart rate: according to the research I've done on the internet, an athlete between the ages of 18 and 25 is expected to have a resting heart rate of between 49 and 55. So what does this mean for me?
At work, I did some karate-based warm-up exercises with my sports group, followed by some indoor cricket (I had to declare because they couldn't get me out! How things have changed!)
I picked up the mountain bike from Halfords on the way home. They had replaced the headset as I'd asked. I had also asked them to upgrade the headset (the standard one didn't last very long after Dan and I fitted it.) They 'upgraded' it to a Raleigh one which cost less than the FSA one they were going to fit in the first place! It does feel beautifully smooth though. I just hope it lasts a bit longer before it starts grinding.
At home, I strapped on the running shoes and headed out to run 57 minutes without stopping/walking. I ran fast and hard because I'm a lazy fat bastard who drinks too much.
Healthy food, no booze.

Tuesday

I was going to write something nice about Halfords but... they put my handlebars on wonky. I mean, you learn how to straighten your bars when you get your first BMX at 9 years of age or something! How can they get that wrong!? I only discovered their mistake when riding my bike on the way to work.
At the dojo: lots of fighting practise, with a bit of kata at the end. A fun session.
No booze, no junkfood.

Wednesday
It was a non-stop, mega-stressful day at work. Due to staff members being off sick, I had to try to teach two groups at the same time. We got through it, but I don't think anyone learned much!
Mr Roger's circuit training was a welcome release of tension. The intense warm-up alone nearly floored me. We then did a circuit of at least 12 exercises followed by 3 planks. I led the warm-down/stretches and we all got out of there after an hour. Shaky legs!
At home, it was PS4 and beer time. Just because I could.


Thursday
I cycled in to to work and back.
After I'd driven all of my Dungeons and Dragons players home it was almost 10pm. Sorely tempted to flop down in front of the Playstation, I picked up the barbell instead and did an hour of squats, shrugs, overhead presses etc (including 300 bodyweight exercises.) Then I flopped in front of the Playstation!

Friday

An excellent karate session tonight. It reminded me of the sort of lesson Sensei Paul Hexley might have done 15 years ago! We were breaking blocks and punches down to their component parts, analysing our stances and slowing everything down.The kind of lesson that pushes everyone to do their best - from beginner to black belt. Great stuff.
Walking out of the dojo, I found that the world had changed! Snow had fallen, all around us. Children playing, having fun.
I just hope that the bloody snow has thawed before the Mad March Hare Sportive on Sunday!
At home, Lucy made a lovely homemade lasagne with all fresh ingredients. After that, I accidentally drank ale and watched Sons of Anarchy!

Saturday

When I woke, the snow was still there. Happily, as the day went on, it melted away. Phew!
I gave the road bike a thorough clean in readiness for the Mad March Hare on Sunday. While I was cleaning it, I noticed this:




A ruddy great tear/bald patch on my back tyre! There was no saving it, this was now an ex-tyre. So when I went to Dynamic Rides to pick up the rider numbers for tomorrow, I talked to them about winter tyres. They sold me a Continental one. I protested about the lack of tread but they were quite insistent - it was the one for the job. "An out and out Winter tyre," the man behind the counter proclaimed. Okay, then. To be fair, it does seem quite wide and sticky.
After a busy day of shopping and visiting, I finally got home to wolf down some soup and then to fit my new tyre.
Which I couldn't do.
The bloody thing just wouldn't go on!
Even good advice from Deadly Dan on the telephone didn't seem to help much. I ruined three inner tubes (one of which exploded next to my ear) trying to force the damn thing on. After about two hours of this, beyond angry, I gave up, had some tuna and pasta and watched Strade Bianche. Then, with a deep sigh, I went back to the man cave to wrestle with my new tyre once again. This time, I had it settled on the rim within 40 seconds! Don't ask me...?
The forecast for tomorrow is one of icy conditions and light rain. At least the wind should be gentle.

Sunday
A layer of frost covered the greenhouse, the lawn and the summer house. The heating hadn't kicked in yet. I made my way downstairs to heat porridge and then load the bike into the car.



By the time I got to Jonnie's house, the frost was disappearing. By the time we were in the lanes, the frost had gone and left behind wet patches on the tarmac and a few messy ridges of slush at the side of the road.
The first problem of the day was my steering. The headset on my Specialized seemed stiffer than usual, slow to react to my movements. It was like trying to pedal a supermarket trolley with a wonky wheel. It was terrible at first, but very gradually, whatever had caused the headset to stiffen loosened its grip and the bike felt like mine again.
The first 35 miles were smashing. I felt strong, Jonnie eventually gave me my sense of humour back (the steering issue had upset me greatly!) and the average was up around 14.6mph.
Then we came to Dover's Hill. At over a mile of constant climbing, it would be a challenge at any point. But with 35 miles already in the legs, it proved too much for many of the riders. I passed some walking, others merely standing with their bikes trying to get their breath back. I'm pleased to say that I passed a lot of riders on this hill, even some who were still trying to ride. I only got passed once and I soon overtook the guy when he suddenly stopped in the middle of the road! Near the top, the photographer shouted at me as I approached him: "Well done! Trainers and a beard! Brilliant!" I'm not sure what he meant and probably never will. Anyway, here's a picture of me on the climb that I stole from his website:



I managed to get up without stopping and I honestly think it was easier than last year's Saintbury Hill. The way back down was fast and just as steep. In the dry, it didn't present much of a challenge. The real problem for me was cramp. 
About 5 minutes after I had crested Dover's, I suddenly got a monumental cramp in my right hamstring. I knew I had to stop but then, within the same second, I cramped in the left hamstring too! How bizarre! It was all I could do to stop in the road and simply let the bike fall between my legs. I managed to hobble forward and just stand there in agony. I wanted to lie down but it would have been too dangerous on a relatively busy public road.I staggered, stiff-legged, over to the bike and hauled it upright. Then I leaned, head down, over the handle bars and waited for the pain to stop. I keep my thumb up above my head to let all the other riders know I didn't need assistance. Everyone of them was calling out to me as they went past. Jonnie found me in this position as he came around the corner, He told me that he thought the cramp was done with now and that I could ride on. I gingerly eased the bike forward in the little ring and it turned out that Dr Jonnie was right. I rode the remaining 5 miles to the feedstation in the little ring!
The feedstation was far superior to last year's effort. They had cake and bananas in abundance as well as a guy selling tea and coffee (shame about the queue). We sat down and demolished Lucy's flapjack and my Mom's Christmas cake. Lovely stuff!



Back on the road, It was simply a case of keeping the average above 13mph and trying not to use too much energy.
Unfortunately, energy was what I was beginning to run out of. We stopped to break open the emergency supplies (apple brandy) at the 10 miles to go mark. The remaining few miles were a painful slog, whilst feeling sick and empty and even a little dizzy. 



Lucy, her mother, my mom and the girls met us at the finish line. Jonnie and I were exhausted, very cold, but happy. 
We wandered into the tent and I sought out Fixed Wheel Brewery. I bought a stout and Jonnie had an ale. I asked them why I couldn't buy their excellent beers in a supermarket and the chap in charge explained that he liked to control the quality of his ales. A supermarket would need him to pasteurise his product and he wasn't prepared to do that. You've got to respect that, but I'm saddened by the fact that I can't pick up these marvellous beers on my weekly ASDA trip.



Back at Jonnie's, he fed us all beef casserole and sausages and Sally served two of her fantastic puddings. A couple of ales to wash it down and then everyone was ready for bed!

The times were very disappointing. I finished almost last of the 687 riders who actually turned up. 1000 people had paid for a race entry; were over 300 people put off by the frost?
Still, an enjoyable challenge and one that I'm sure Jonnie will talk me into next year!
73.43 miles at 13.2 mph.